Self - Regulation
How to Make Your Nervous System Happier ( Series: Held- a soft space)
Often my essays blend into one another, unfold from each other, or provide the seam to the next. I am not a fan writing educational pieces, I prefer letting people be, inspiring to explore, but as in the area of the nervous system especially practical ideas can be really helpful- I did decide to write this.
The last few essays - which I kept out of the Held series, but which are actually a base, if not the base - were mostly pointing toward something that can barely, or only insufficiently, be put into words: presence. Which includes the inhabitation of your body in the moment.
But this very simple phenomenon - the essence of reality - is a major factor for the nervous system, for self-regulation.
We are often sold the idea that this requires many tools, techniques, or a course. And indeed, there are helpful resources, from blogs to books and few really nervous system informed courses. Additionally, in cases of severe trauma or re-traumatization, we may need informed and gentle companions- in person- on our path toward embodied and sustainable healing.
But the richest area for self-regulation is daily life.
And yes - the present moment.
So first, a brief overview of what self-regulation means, and then I will offer practical suggestions - because actual exploration, cultivation, and therefore regulation are things you can apply easily and immediately.
First of all:
Regulation does not happen through thinking.
It happens through embodied experience. Your thinking mind cannot convince your body to feel safe. I cannot write myself into a safe nervous system nor can you read yourself into a safe nervous system, once it is dysbalanced. That isn’t enough and that may be discouraging given that I write now and you read now.
Again: Real change is not possible from a dysregulated nervous system.
Have you ever tried to change something in a moment when you felt stressed, overwhelmed, or paralysed?
Besides the fact that such states are challenging in themselves, in those moments your connection to resources and inner steadiness is limited. Our nervous system constantly monitors our surroundings- that includes nowadays the digital world in high extent- and reacts to the slightest changes or stimuli, often without us consciously noticing. It determines how we perceive our environment, whether we feel safe, and whether we are ready to move in new ways.
In moments of dysregulation - whether overstimulation (stress, fear) or underarousal (depletion, resignation) - it becomes difficult to think clearly, make decisions, or act sustainably.
By supporting the nervous system in regulating - which means inviting it into a state of safety and stability - we create the foundation for embodied change.
Some Known Supports for Self-Regulation
I will briefly name them and then give some practical daily-life inspirations.
1. Breathwork
Conscious breathing helps calm the nervous system and guide it toward safety. A simple method is to follow your natural breath without judgment. After a few cycles, gently invite the inhale to deepen and the exhale to lengthen - ideally slightly longer, even up to twice as long as the inhale. Let your attention rest especially on the exhale.
2. Nature
Nature has a calming effect on the nervous system. A walk in the forest, sitting by a lake, or resting in a meadow can restore balance. Engage your senses: listen to sounds, feel the ground beneath your feet, smell the air.
3. Bodywork
Gentle yoga, stretching, or mindful dancing can regulate deeply. Massage or light pressure points (such as gently tapping the sternum to stimulate the vagus nerve) are also effective.
4. Conscious Pauses
In our fast world, we forget to pause. Plan small breaks throughout the day - even five minutes - to withdraw and reconnect.
5. Activating Resources
Resources stabilise the nervous system. They can be internal (positive memories, imagery) or external (nature, music, supportive relationships). Identify what nourishes you and integrate it consciously.
6. Co-Regulation
Being with people who feel safe and grounding positively influences our nervous system. A conversation, a hug, or simply shared presence can support regulation. What is probably underrated in regards to co-regulation are our animals. If not traumatised themselves they are gems in co-regulation without any word spoken and any special effort executed.
7. Emotional Processing
Give emotions space. Instead of suppressing them, acknowledge and process them - through journaling, meditation, or conversation. Or the most simple (yet for many the most difficult)- by allowing, staying with them without fixing and..just feeling them moving.
8. Anchoring Exercise
Sit or lie comfortably. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Breathe deeply and feel your hands move. Imagine a safe place and connect it with a positive memory. This can promote a felt sense of safety.
A more concrete approach is to use small pauses - as mentioned - to check in with your body:
Are you thirsty? Hungry?
How does your body feel?
Does it need rest or movement? Fresh air?
Whatever need is present - meet it as best you can.
Get a glass of water. Walk around the block. Eat some nuts, even if it’s not “proper” mealtime. Rest for a few minutes. Melt your back into the chair. Place a hand on your belly and feel it rise and fall.
These small acts are not secondary. Not for your nervous system.
You are telling it: I am here. I listen. I care.
These are tiny moments of safety.
Allow these brief pauses regularly throughout your day.
A Few Practical - slightly playful, maybe ridiculous - Daily Impulses
Open your fridge and name out loud what you see. “Cheese. Leftovers. Tomatoes.” Your voice naming reality orients your system. It means: I am here. I can see where I am.
And if you suddenly feel the need to make order- make order.Paint the alphabet with your big toe on the floor. Your foot works, your body balances, your brain spells. This kind of coordination is multitasking your nervous system actually enjoys.
Put a book on your head and walk across the room. If it’s easy, walk backwards. Good for posture - and regulation.
Yawn three times intentionally. By the third one it will likely become real. You stimulate the vagus nerve.
Use interruptions - waiting lines, red traffic lights - as opportunities. Feel the steering wheel. Notice your breath. Move your jaw in all directions. Observe colours in the supermarket. See, hear, feel.
Carry a full glass of water across the apartment. You will focus. Your steps become softer, more aware.
Gather all pencils and pens you find and line them up. Long, short, broken. The brain loves sorting and comparing.
Look out the window and count everything that moves: birds, branches, leaves, cars, clouds. Your gaze widens and softens. The nervous system understands: The world is moving. I can rest.
While driving, choose a colour - red cars, for example - and notice each one. Each time you see one, take three conscious breaths.
Shake your hands, arms, or whole body for 30 seconds as fast as you can. Then pause and sense. Feel warmth, pulsation. Animals literally shake off stress. We are animals. Your body knows that - even if you forgot.
You can also press your palms together strongly, then release. The shift from tension to relaxation is regulation.
Honestly, there are many more possibilities. Experiment joyfully with daily chores. Be creative with the ordinary.
I for myself have decided to reduce screen time. I too have decided to stop, for a while, constantly engaging with the - understandable - outrage content which is flooding us through various channels. That means that, for a while, Facebook stays closed; Substack stays closed in my case too. I’ve finished this piece on March 5th. This essay is a scheduled one and it can be that replies to comments- which are very appreciated- come in late.
This may not be appropriate, it may seem unloving or some may say “How can you?”, but what I can see is something I would call a psychological war, besides the actual wars. We get numbed. Millions of people are sucked into a spiral of horror, terror, and rage simply by sitting on the couch, scrolling and engaging.
But we aren’t built for that, nor educated or trained for looking at pictures and videos- which show absolute human degeneration as well as suffering- as special agents, investigators, and so on are. When our system becomes overwhelmed, we lose the ability to think clearly, make conscious decisions, and act effectively. It is precisely when compassion is needed that we lose our strength.
The very result is that we outrage ourselves into dullness and exhaustion.
Did you ever ask yourself how it is possible for us to live in cities -with a density of enormous magnitude - without completely losing our shit? The constant exposure leads to (necessary) numbing and dulling of the senses, which is a survival mechanism. People must disconnect from their body, their intuition, their nervous system. Often that means chronic stress which isn’t perceived as stress anymore. This includes the digitial world.
I cannot stay long in cities. My senses are sharp to such an extent that when walking in the forest I sense or perceive, in the corner of my eye, the movement of deer 100 meters away, with countless trees between me and them. I sometimes spot them before the dogs! Not because I am scanning the surroundings, but because my senses and nervous system are - and they transmit it to me.
So if you recognised, as I did, or as some other aware people do, a certain numbing in you - a compassion strangely dull - even after reading rhetorically brilliant articles that circle around current events which include rage, terrible suffering, and pain - that is normal. That is probably your nervous system and brain capacity at their limit, shutting down.
And maybe that is the point where one should deliberately shut down, or step back from reading and engaging too much for a while. Not because of “no care,” but because of “immediate care.” I link another essay on that here.
To return to and resume this essay - or rather this collection of practical ideas:
I rarely conclude anything, but I’ve realised that when cultivation becomes a habit - especially a small, playful one - it grows roots. As children, we never cared how small something was.
Your nervous system - and your sense of being in this world - will thank you.
Be safe, Love,
Karin
For those newer here you may browse through older posts, below a few:
Yoga and Yoga- The power of presence,
Our lovely breath (with audio),
Carried forth from silence
Unplugged
And last but not least the reason why I ended up here, writing how I write and everchanging, is in my not-quite-a-memoir “Rebelleheart”. I wrote in times of great inner turmoil, within a love that defied categories, personal letters and reflections which originally weren’t meant for the world, but for one person.
Sean Grogan - a dear substacker, putting images, experience, into music (visit him—> https://substack.com/@seangroganluxembourg) - wrote on Amazon:
”As I read Rebelleheart, I was aware that this was a memoir unlike any I had read before. Karin Sziva’s writing is raw and intense, and the images and scenes she describes are vivid, resulting in an effect that is often strikingly beautiful. The book is a series of fragments (emails, thoughts, and confessions) that feel immediate and very alive; it is as if she has painted the words on the page with great feeling, written straight from her nervous system rather than carefully edited into shape.”
Available as ebook, Paperback and Hardcover.